{"id":11304,"date":"2017-05-30T13:12:27","date_gmt":"2017-05-30T13:12:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.customerservicemanager.com\/?p=11304"},"modified":"2017-05-30T13:19:16","modified_gmt":"2017-05-30T13:19:16","slug":"the-abcs-of-dealing-with-difficult-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.customerservicemanager.com\/the-abcs-of-dealing-with-difficult-people\/","title":{"rendered":"The ABCs of Dealing With Difficult People"},"content":{"rendered":"

People cannot be made to change their behavior. However, there are techniques that you can use to better deal with them when they are exhibiting difficult behavior.<\/strong><\/p>\n\"Managers\n

This is especially true when dealing with emotional situations. In such instances, it is helpful for you to maintain control of your emotions and get the other party focusing on underlying issues and resolution to them rather than arguing or disagreeing.<\/p>\n

The following are some ideas that might help when you encounter someone whose behavior is less than desirable.<\/p>\n

A<\/strong>ssume that the person is having a bad day and is not intentionally trying to make your life difficult.<\/p>\n

B<\/strong>egin statements to them with positive language so as not to escalate any emotion or aggression on their part. For example instead of saying, \u201cYou are being an idiot\u201d try \u201cWhen you use that type of language or tone; it is hard for me to not get defensive.\u201d<\/p>\n

C<\/strong>reate a positive communication environment by focusing on some positive aspect of what they are saying rather than on the negative. For example, when dealing with a customer who is yelling and saying things like, \u201cYou people are all idiots\u201d (referring to your organization), acknowledge their emotion and respond with something like, \u201cIt sounds like you have had a bad experience with someone here at _____. I apologize for that situation, now how can I assist you?\u201d<\/p>\n

D<\/strong>iscuss options for resolution of the situation. For example, if a co-worker is upset because they feel you did something to undermine their efforts on a project try saying something like, \u201cIf I did something to send the impression that I did not support your ideas (efforts) I\u00a0apologize. Can we talk about what happened so that it does not occur again?\u201d<\/p>\n

E<\/strong>ncourage others to share facts about a situation rather than offering subjective criticism without trying to resolve a problem.<\/p>\n

F<\/strong>ind mutually agreeable alternatives to resolve disagreements or conflicts by eliciting the other person\u2019s ideas of how something might be corrected or resolved.<\/p>\n

G<\/strong>ain trust by sharing examples of ways that you have\/can assist the person in resolving the issue.<\/p>\n

H<\/strong>old retaliatory feedback which might escalate emotion on either side. Instead concentrate on the cause of the problem and ways that it might be resolved and prevented in the future.<\/p>\n

I<\/strong>nitiate a dialog that shares you reluctance to participate in verbal sparring and instead shows your willingness to partner to resolve the situation. For example, if your supervisor is giving what you consider to be unwarranted criticism for a task or project, listen and at the appropriate time, interject, \u201cMay I share my perception of the situation?\u201d then go on to give objective examples of what happened. Do not make excuses or get into a defensive posture. Instead, let your supervisor know the facts as you know them and take responsibility for any\u00a0portion that you were responsible for.<\/p>\n

J<\/strong>ustify your position or actions with quantifiable and objective points rather getting into a childlike \u201cdid not\/did too\u201d exchange.<\/p>\n

K<\/strong>eep discussion focused on the issue at hand and don\u2019t bring up past events or issues. For example if your spouse, roommate, or significant other is upset because you seem to repeat negative behavior (e.g. leaving your dirty dishes on the counter rather than putting them in the dishwasher) do not try to deflect behavior to something they have done in the past. For example, \u201cOh yea, well what about the time you.\u201d<\/p>\n

L<\/strong>earn positive communication skills and use them in order to more effectively enhance your relational experiences.<\/p>\n

M<\/strong>onitor verbal and non-verbal language when dealing with others so that you do not inadvertently offend or upset someone.<\/p>\n

N<\/strong>urture opportunities to provide positive feedback to those who sometimes seem to be difficult to deal with. By being seen as an ally rather than an opponent or challenge, they may be less likely to demonstrate negative behavior when dealing with you in the future.<\/p>\n

O<\/strong>ffer ways that you can assist the difficult person in an effort to \u201cmend fences\u201d or develop a positive relationship.<\/p>\n

P<\/strong>repare some standard responses in advance for different situations that occur when dealing with the difficult person. This prevent s you from being caught off guard and speechless when something comes up.<\/p>\n

Q<\/strong>uit trying to \u201cget even\u201d with someone who has caused you problems or hurt your feelings, if this is a pattern of behavior that you have developed. Two wrongs do not make a right and can permanently damage or destroy a relationship.<\/p>\n

R<\/strong>eply to criticism in a non-emotional manner and look for ways to correct any behavior that you have exhibited that led to the criticism.<\/p>\n

S<\/strong>earch for allies who can come to your aid or defense if necessary. This does not mean to \u201cgang up\u201d on the difficult person, but does mean to have a plan for future action. This is especially important if you think the person is capable or prone to violence.<\/p>\n

T<\/strong>rust \u201cgut\u201d instincts about people and avoid situations that might be unpleasant or unproductive.<\/p>\n

U<\/strong>se opportunities to open dialog that will help the difficult person see the impact that she\/he is having on you or others. For example, when you re not in the midst of a difficult encounter with the person, ask them to get together to discuss something that is on your mind. In that meeting, calmly and unemotionally, explain one aspect of their behavior that has caused you problems or hurt your feelings in the past. For example, \u201cYou may not be aware of it, however, when you say _____ like you did in the staff meeting yesterday, I feel that you do not value my opinion or respect me as a viable part of this team. Please help me understand why you said that?\u201d<\/p>\n

V<\/strong>alue input that the difficult provides even though they might not express it appropriately. Maybe there is something that you are doing that is contributing to their feelings and actions. Give what they say some thought and make any necessary adjustments.<\/p>\n

W<\/strong>ait for a difficult person to express his\/her views without interrupting them before responding. This allows you to hear their message and decide on an appropriate response without interrupting and causing additional emotional stress.<\/p>\n

X<\/strong>plain that your intent is to rationally resolve a situation rather than to argue, when a difficult person approaches you and seems intent on having a heated exchange.<\/p>\n

Y<\/strong>our efforts to calm someone down can be enhanced through the use of empathy. For example, \u201cI can see that you are upset. Please take a deep breath and then calmly explain what is wrong so that we can work together to resolve this issue.\u201d<\/p>\n

Z<\/strong>ero in on ways to help resolve potential situations that might create an emotional scene with someone who you know to have a history of difficult behavior. For example, if you know that someone has a particular dislike for certain behavior or a situation and gets emotional about it (e.g. your not being on time), work toward remedies to eliminate the stimulus that might set the person off.<\/p>\n

About the Author<\/strong><\/p>\n

Robert (Bob) W. Lucas<\/a>\u00a0is an experienced customer service\u00a0consultant and\u00a0has written many\u00a0books, including \u00a0the\u00a0top selling college textbook, \u201cCustomer Service Skills for Success\u201d and \u201cCustomer Service: Building Success Skills for the Twenty-First Century.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

People cannot be made to change their behavior. However, there are techniques that you can use to better deal with them when they are exhibiting difficult behavior..<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":229,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[7],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.customerservicemanager.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11304"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.customerservicemanager.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.customerservicemanager.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.customerservicemanager.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/229"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.customerservicemanager.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11304"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.customerservicemanager.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11304\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11311,"href":"https:\/\/www.customerservicemanager.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11304\/revisions\/11311"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.customerservicemanager.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11304"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.customerservicemanager.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11304"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.customerservicemanager.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11304"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}